Dear motivation

Dear Motivation, I wrote you but still ain’t callin’
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got ’em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin’
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot ’em

A marathon runner that doesn’t have the motivation to run seems like a problem. It kind of is as I signed up for two marathons in the upcoming months. Right now it’s a waiting game. I’ve been coming down off one medication and starting new ones. While I have moments of feeling alright, the motivation is still wavering. I have high hopes that I can get back in the swing of marathon training in the next week but I still have to wait and see. The fact that I have hopes for it is a step in the right direction.

Let me back track and see why I ran in the past. Before it was to see if I could do it. Now with my 10th marathon coming up what’s the motivation. Part of it is crossing places off the list. I would really like to do the 50 state challenge. I’ve already crossed off 6 starts and I plan on doing my first international one in September. But here lies the problem i have. The thing that kept me going is the runners high and I haven’t seen that friend in quite sometime. That’s the thing I chase and long for is that feeling of euphoria that comes with along with pain and hard work. Now I have the pain and hard work but no euphoria.

This is the thing that happens when you work on yourself and even work on your brain chemistry is that things just change. Hopefully I’ll get that feeling back. Either way if I do or don’t I’ll still try because at the end of it, all I can do is try.

P.S. thanks for letting me butcher an Eminem song, hope you had a laugh in this world of depression and anxiety

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