Dazed and confused

Not the fun movie kind but the real life not so fun one. Well I’m not a literally dazed but definitely confused and couldn’t think up a better title for this blog entry.

My mood lately has been poor at best but at least the suicidal ideations aren’t a constant battle. I’ll take that as a positive or as a win. The feeling of worthlessness still lingers but that’s an ongoing battle through life that hopefully I’ll beat.

Now why am I confused, maybe it’s a lack of sleep or still trying to find the right meds. Maybe it’s more frustration because i don’t feel better, while I don’t feel worse I’m not exactly a bastion of positivity. I think that’s the most annoying part right now. Folks tell me I’ll feel better and my general reply back is when?

Sorry if the writing is this doesn’t flow, this is really just a stream of conscience thought that I decided to put up.

I can’t say that I’m lost because I’ve been seeking help, I think I’m just more annoyed as to why don’t I feel better. It feels like I’m whining that point but I’ve felt like garbage for so many years I think I can scream it out loud if I want to.

WHY DON’T I FUCKING FEEL BETTER!!!

Sometimes you have to yell something out, don’t know if it works or helps for this but it’s worth a try. I’m going to go back and try to work through being dazed and confused but I want to ask you….

How are you feeling?

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