Depression is

Depression is when you can’t enjoy watching your kid grow up.

Depression is not being able to enjoy a vacation in the moment.

Depression is not being able to enjoy time with love ones.

Depression is not recognizing the person in the mirror.

Depression is not liking the person in the mirror.

Depression is being lost all the time and not knowing what to do.

Depression is wanting to run away from everybody that cares about you.

Depression is feeling like a disappointment to everybody around you.

Depression is that feeling of not knowing what to do so you just sleep.

Depression is being tired no matter how much sleep you get.

Depression is when you don’t want to eat anything one day and overeating another. Currently I’m in the I don’t want to eat phase.

Depression is fighting those ideations to end it all.

Depression is that thing you don’t know how to fix but try.

Depression is walking around in a haze. You know that summer haze you see, it’s like that but 24/7.

Dear depression, go away please, I’m tired of fighting you. I just want to enjoy my family.

No matter how much help I get I feel like I’m continuing to get worse. I know things get worse before they get better but I don’t know how much more of it I can take. I’ve dealt with the general malaise of depression for years but these past few months have been the absolute worst.

No amount of meds give any relief and my brain isn’t in a good enough state for any cognitive therapy to be effective. Just in a state of crisis at all times. I’ve spent days contemplating ending it all and spent days contemplating committing myself at a hospital.

I continue to work through it, trying to be a good husband, father, friend and a good member of my team at work. It feels like a losing battle.

This is my depression story…… What’s your story?

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