I have two marathons coming up and training for them has been very hard. Currently I’ve been trying to combat my depression and anxiety with different medications with the last round leaving me in a tranquilized state. It’s left it hard to function let alone train for a marathon.
With some tweaking I was able to do one of my short runs of the week tonight….. It left me upset as it felt like I was running with cement blocks on my legs. Left me wanting to curse everything and give up on everything. Left me wondering “why can’t I just feel normal”.
Everybody keeps telling me it will get better and that I will feel better…….. What if it doesn’t and just continues to get worse. I know they say it gets worse before it gets better but I’ve had enough of the worse part. Can I have some hope? I’m really starting to lose it and feeling worse day by day and the only option is try another drug. I’m tired of taking another drug. I think I’ve gone through 7 in a 4 month period.
At this point I just want to be functional so I can take care of my family and do a long run. I want to be more present in everything and not just numb and only able to convey sadness and anger.