The self blame game

The self blame game, irrational….. yes it is but always a way to lead yourself down pain and potential spiral moment. Currently dealing with the self blame on the passing on my sons twin brother. It’s an ongoing struggle I have. To be honest we tried everything we can to save him but there’s always blame of the what if.

What if we got a second opinion, what if we didn’t have the termination and just saw what happened. On the other end we weighed the pros and cons and took the safer route because we could lost both of them if we just let nature take its course.

While the pregnancy was hard and probably the hardest thing to go through and aftermath is still something I’m processing. I still sit here roughly 3 years later blaming myself for something I had no control over. Holding back tears over something I couldn’t control may sound crazy but that’s my reality. Reality is cruel sometimes.

Anyways that’s enough about me for now. How are you feeling and is the blame game getting to you?

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